This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The air taste purple.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
