...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
