I don't remember. Are we still dating?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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