She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
