bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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