I never want to see another naked old woman again.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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