At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
