Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
