Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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