Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
