Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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