I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
