Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
