Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
