The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
