New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
