yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?