If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
