I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
