When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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