I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just pee around me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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