Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
