PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
