no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
