Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
