i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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