Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
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we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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