spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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