He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had to cum in my sink.
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