I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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