we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
