the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
