I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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