I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
