In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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