Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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