he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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