margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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