Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
