dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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