His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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