my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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