If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
