Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
