theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
