she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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