The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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