don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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