apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
