the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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