take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
