Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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