i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
