Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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