Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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