I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
