you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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