dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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