Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
