I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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