I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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