We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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