if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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