I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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