dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
