never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
