you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
