THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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