I want to stick my p in your. b.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
