1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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