He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's just like the Real World with babies
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
