I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
