At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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