she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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