I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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