rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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