Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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