literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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