I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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