Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize