Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How external is "for external use only"?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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